How is Parental Alienation Defined?
Parental alienation refers to an attempt by one parent to damage or interfere with the child’s relationship with the other parent. Very often, the parent who must physically leave the home at the end of the marriage tells the child many negative and disparaging things about the other parent and/or makes a concerted effort to keep the child away from the other parent. The emotional scars of parental alienation can leave children with psychological trauma and can impact their entire lives. Both parents may suffer from the effects of interference with visitation and relationships, causing those damages to be many times multiplied .
During custody disputes, parental alienation can become a serious issue. When one parent is continuously trying to gain an upper hand in custody proceedings by criticizing the other parent or trying to prevent the child from visiting or being around the other parent, the court may intervene. Courts will consider the psychological well-being of the child in custody matters, and the parent who is attempting to alienate the child from the other parent could ultimately lose primary custody.
Parental Alienation Law in California
Understanding Parental Alienation Laws in California
Courts often have difficulty identifying the distinction between typical post-divorce conflict, wherein the children are caught in the cross-fire of ongoing parental hostility, and "parental alienation disorder" (PAD) (or "parental alienation syndrome" – PAS), which involves a vindictive parent’s intentional engineering of a child’s estrangement from a targeted parent. While this is decidedly a clinical diagnosis, it is also a family law issue, and one with very specific legal ramifications.
The Court of Appeal for the Fourth District, Division 2, has issued an important opinion dated July 9, 2009, in the case of In re Amanda O., a minor, Case Number E046869, which addresses specifically how the issue of alleged parental alienation should be handled in the family law setting.
In Amanda O., the juvenile court had awarded joint custody of a minor child to the father and stepmother, but enrolled only the father as the child’s "legal parent." Both parents agreed to "go along" with the joint custody order with the understanding that the child would live with the father. However, the stepmother reported numerous problems to the social worker. For example, at various times, the stepmother reported: father told the child that her mother would kill her, that the child had difficulty communicating and understanding the concept of time; and that father had been sexually harassing his grandmother.
Despite these complaints, the juvenile court gave father sole legal and sole physical custody of the child. The juvenile court also ordered that the child participate in therapeutic counseling. At a hearing on the child’s progress with individual therapy, the therapist told the court that the child was not telling the truth. The juvenile court ordered that the child live with the father/stepparent, but that all evidence regarding the custody order be admissible at a future contested hearing. The juvenile court further ordered the child to be evaluated by the psychologist who had drafted a report in favor of the father/stepparent and allowed the father/stepparent to select the second psychologist as well. The father/stepparent’s subsequent motion for modification of parental responsibilities was granted, and the order was appealed.
Indicators of Parental Alienation
Common signs of parental alienation may be seen in the behavior of a parent or the target parent or even the child. For example, the following behaviors may be present:
• The child exhibits a persistent fear of the non-custodial parent and displays anxiety about visitation with that parent.
• The child displays rejecting behavior toward the non-custodial parent such as ignoring the parent, refusing to talk to the parent (e.g., hanging up the phone), or being verbally and/or physically aggressive toward the parent.
• The child has distorted ideas about the non-custodial parent that are not based on reality; for instance, believing the non-custodial parent is responsible for the divorce or the child’s unhappiness or is a criminal, abuser, or substance abuser.
• The child engages in artificial discourse with the non-custodial parent by discussing topics that they feel are important to that parent in hopes of gaining favor or praise; the child may even become angry if the parent does not show enthusiasm or interest in those topics.
• The child displays a sense of unjustified loyalty to one parent over the other.
• The child is discouraged from liking or having a relationship with the non-custodial parent.
• The child repeatedly asks the custodial parent for permission to spend extended visitation with the non-custodial parent.
Individuals engaging in parental alienation typically exhibit these behaviors over time and consistently. The judge will look for clear evidence of parental alienation before he or she will intervene in a custodial situation. Types of evidence that are required to prove parental alienation include:
• Evidence of threatening behavior. Threats between the parents may seem like an extreme point or a minor detail; however, the court will find this information relevant. When considering petitions to change custody because of parental alienation, the court will look closely at the circumstances that are listed in the petition; a recent or a previous threat made against the target parent may be cited as evidence of an ongoing campaign to alienate the child from that parent.
• Evidence of encouraging the child to reject the non-custodial parent. This considered one of the more abusive behaviors of a parent who is trying to alienate the child from the other. It encourages a child to harbor feelings of hatred and resentment toward the non-custodial parent, which may lead to being completely split in allegiance to that parent. It is difficult to tell if this type of parental behavior is occurring, but after the separation it may become apparent when a parent badmouths the other parent or indirectly encourages the child to reject the other parent through lines of questioning or conduct. Evidence of this behavior includes if the non-custodial parent has a story about an incident described by the child that the parent knows is untrue such as about the parent abandoning the child or neglecting them; poor parental advice in the presence of the child such as telling them it is OK to be disrespectful to the other parent; interfering with the other parent’s parenting time by repeatedly arguing with the child’s parent to persuade the child to remain with them and therefore, not go with the other parent; or encouraging competitive behavior which may be disguised as trying to talk with the other parent in the beginning.
Parental Alienation Cases in California Courts
No matter who instigates the parental alienation, the damaged relationship between parent and child can cause emotional damage that sometimes even affects the bond with the other parent. When this type of emotional damage escalates too far, the judge might issue a ruling to somewhat overturn the damage caused.
The court order is where to separate the strands of abuse based on whether it is the custodial or non-custodial parent making the allegations. A common remedy is to require the non-custodial parent to pay all costs of visitation, including lodging and transportation. The parent who did not get a lot of time with the child may also be compensated for their time.
The judge can mandate therapy for the estranged parent and child. This will help put the relationship back on track again by repairing the damage done. This can even help the child get rid of some of their anger toward the parent they were estranged from.
In the most extreme cases, the judge might revoke the custodial parent’s rights to make decisions for the child. Instead, this right will pass to the other parent. In these cases, the children are often placed in the care of the "victim" parent.
In California, the best interest of the child rule is what lawyers and judges use to assess whether the parent or child is being hurt emotionally. Supervisors must note any documented instances of the parent attempting to turn the child against the other parent. Supervisors can also note if the child has exhibited signs of trauma from the relationship.
Judges tend to look for evidence and testimony that the parent was aware of the detrimental effect their treatment of the child had on the child and why they did nothing about it. If the reasons are valid, such as the child was afraid of them or did not know the other parent, then the courts may show some leniency.
Obligations and Rights
If a parent has been denied contact with a child for a long period of time, such as six months or more during the pendency of a custody dispute, introducing an action for the enforcement of a custodial order and for visitation may be necessary. In such circumstances, courts often will enforce the order or award visitation, unless there are substantial undisputed allegations of child physical abuse or sexual abuse. Most courts will act vigorously to stop the alienation of one parent by the other and to restore the status quo, absent compelling reasons.
If the child is the alienated child, courts will often find it appropriate to appoint a psychologist/therapist to evaluate the child at the expense of the alienating parent, with the right of the therapist to interview and observe the child alone without the other parent present. The goal of the evaluation is to determine the cause of the parent-child conflict and alienation, based upon the child’s therapeutic needs, and to work out a plan for rehabilitating the parent-child relationship. If the alienated parent refuses to cooperate, or makes visitation conditional on the removal of the alienating parent from the home, the alienating parent may face sanctions, with a change of custody considered where appropriate.
Under Family Code Section 3027.5, the family law court must appoint a forensic evaluator if an allegation of sexual abuse in a custody case is made against one of the parents. In doing so, the court must require the alleged offender to undergo a polygraph examination at the involvement of the custodial parent.
California courts might find a custodial parent in contempt for an alienation of affection. In the unpublished Court of Appeals decision In re Marriage of Lennhoff, 2015 Cal. App. Unpub. LEXIS 8528 (2015), a father who moved himself and his daughter from a small, conservative, predominately white community, to an African-American community with more cultural diversity, was accused of fleeing to avoid paying child support and to interfere with the mother’s access to the child . The trial court awarded the mother attorney fees and costs for the contempt motion filed by the mother. The father appealed and the appellate court reversed. The court could not declare the father in contempt for not advising mother of the move which they did not require him to do under the settlement agreement. The Court of Appeal noted the father’s move was not an attempt to circumvent the settlement agreement not to move from Sonoma County; that would be contrary to the intent of the original agreement when he moved away with the child.
In re Marriage of G.C. and J.C. (2016) 245 Cal.App.4th 56 discusses the issue of parental alienation. It addressed whether the trial court properly modified a custody order due to evidence of parental alienation. The mother disrupted visitation with Dad for over a year and tried to erase his importance to the child. The evidence showed Mother encouraged her son to avoid all relationships with people she disliked, including the father. She told her son that if he saw Dad, then he would never see his mother again. The court expressly found that Mother’s alienation of the father from their son demonstrated extreme and exceptional circumstances that warranted the modification of custody.
Courts may award joint legal custody to both parents, but primary physical custody to one parent if parents cannot agree on visitation of the other parent with the child. The custodial parent retains the first option to obtain extra days or longer visits to offset the loss of these rights.
As to practical solutions in parental alienation issues, mediators may work with the parents, as well as the child, to logistically assist the parents to reunite. Parents with resentment need to see a counselor. The United Nations International Child Abduction Remedies Act provides a legal framework for parents seeking the return of a child wrongfully removed from her country of habitual residence.
The above is for informational purposes only and is not to be taken as legal advice.
Ways to Prevent and Address Parental Alienation
When It Comes To Parental Alienation, Prevention Is Best
As a leading California family law attorney, one of the most important things I can do is help parents understand how to maintain open and loving relationships with their children. However, as is all too common in contentious divorce cases, many parents become estranged from their children following divorce. In these cases, the other parent may make efforts to turn the children against the estranged parent, resulting in what is known as parental alienation.
Preventing Alienation
Parental alienation is common when one parent begins to criticize or disparage the other parent in front of their children. This is toxic behavior that should always be addressed — and ideally avoided in the first place.
For this reason, if you believe your spouse will seek to undermine your relationship with your children, you would be well-served to consider legal separation prior to getting a full divorce. Legal separation allows you to live apart while remaining married, which can help you avoid having the courts ordering custody of your children to the parent who has been the primary caregiver while the separation is in effect.
Of course, there may be reasons legal separation is not desirable. In these cases, it is vital to take steps to prevent alienation even before divorce is initiated. For example, it is generally recommended that you refrain from:
Dealing with a Spouse Who Behaves Badly
If you have a spouse who treats you poorly and has negative perceptions of you, preventing parental alienation may feel challenging, if not impossible. However, it is important to take action to avoid it regardless.
In this regard, agreeing to a shared parenting plan or visitation rights may go a long way towards increasing your chances of being able to maintain a loving relationship with your children. In the long run, this will allow you to be a positive influence on your children and help them to develop positive opinions of you. Talking to your ex-spouse about this matter can also help. For example, you might suggest the two of you see a family therapist or mediator to explain how damaging parental alienation can be, and that you do not want to pursue it.
In addition, it could be valuable to avoid scheduling large amounts of parenting time with your children when you have no money and can’t afford to do anything fun. In this situation, your children may start to think you don’t love them enough to take them on fun, memorable trips. From their perspective, it is possible that "money" becomes the excuse for your perceived lack of interest in being involved in their lives.
Resources for Affected Families
While parental alienation can be a difficult legal matter to navigate, there are many resources available in California that can help affected families. For instance, the American Bar Association Section of Family Law offers a Parents Forever workshop, which can help alienated parents learn how to remove their children from high-conflict situations. The workshop covers topics like the scientific basis of parental alienation, how it affects children, and coping strategies. Workshops are offered by experienced family law attorneys for alienated parents across the country, and they last for about two hours . You can also turn to the California Division of Family Services’ resources page for information on local resources. Additionally, the California chapter of the National Alliance of Families for the Fatherless has a wealth of information related to parental alienation on its site. This organization aims to provide support and resources for California families who have been victimized by parental alienation. In many cases, counseling and therapy can help reduce the effects of parental alienation on both the child and the parent. By working with professionals who have training in this area, they can learn how to cope with their feelings in a manner that will help them maintain a healthy relationship.